In and out of the hospital, and in two weeks, living in my truck. The house sold and I will have no place to live. I cry all the time, I gave up everything for them and they will leave me with nothing. My friends basically turned back on me. Megafest was mega suck. I’m lost and alone. I can’t …
I’m home again, for how long, no one knows. The doc wants me to quit my job and file for SSDA. I CAN’T DO THAT! I’m to young and proud. Nobody noticed where I was. I’m walking alone in a darkened twisted maze and can only hear voices calling out from the dark in every direction. I cry every day now, screaming I’ll beat this. Hope is fleeting with every drop of blood now.
So I went to my weekly appointment today. Blood work, talked with two of the four docs I see, had more scans done, and added a fifth today, the radiologist. I even got to get personal with the machine that will cook me by going under the cannon today. Didn’t feel much till after it was done. What a funky new feeling that will be. I get to see it 3 times a week. Woot .. :/ I just want this over so that I can go back to my life, without fear. I have to call them back Tuesday and get the final test results back and talk with?? Someone who will answer the phone, @_@.
I’m fighting this, I have to. I wont go down easy, I promised, and I keep my promises. 25%! That’s the survival percent they gave me right now. Please … I want that.
Again a few days, but I’m back. I just got out if the hospital, I was throwing up blood again, this time it came with nose bleeds. I thought it might have been a reaction to the chemo. Nope, apparently the blood thinners one doctor prescribed me did some side damage and that has ” helped ” with both the spread and recent stay.
Oh well„, every man gets a spin and mine might be coming to an end. I’m home now, but that’s because I want my bed. A nurse will be visiting twice a week now and it might be the time to tell.
I have my will made… I’m scared, but ready.
Gods have mercy tonight.
Ok I know I missed a few day here but here we go.
I’m now day two going on three of chemotherapy. They gave me the pill because of the location of the tumors. I feel ok, sluggish, but ok. Next week I go and meet with the radioligst and more scans for that. Its so that they can better aim the treatment where needed.
It’s 2 months now living with this and, I just don’t know still. The one person in this world who I thought would never leave, doesn’t care. What did I do, I just wanted to be friends …
I’m still working, helping out the parents with the bills but„, that has taken a turn for the worse now. We just can’t afford everything and have to sell the house. They are going to move to a apartment and I … might end up homeless.
My life has gone to hell!!! How am I to remain positive and happy when everything is going downhill sooo fast. The feelings of wanting to disappear or go away are back again.
Why is it I try to reach out everyone runs?
I need to talk today, I need to take my mind off of everything.
I’m sooo scared about tomorrow! Please someone„, I don’t want to hurt, I …
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The US Food and Drug Administration today approved Gazyva (obinutuzumab) for use in combination with chlorambucil to treat patients with previously untreated chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). Gazyva works by helping certain cells in the immune system attack cancer cells.
Had an absolutely awesome amazing weekend at RICC. Thanks to my friends and new ones made. I now know why you don’t mix morphine and alcohol together … wow! Loooppyyy!!!
so tomorrow is the day. I start treatment for what’s inside me. Despite how calm I am on the outside, what little there is now, inside I am just … yeah scared as hell.